Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
