if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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