dude i'm inner monologue high
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
