are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
