Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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