i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
