My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
