Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
