awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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