Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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