Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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