Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize
