Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
