cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
