you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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