I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
