I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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