He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
