i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
