she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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