Having a random hookup so left but love u
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
