I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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