I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
