My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
