listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
