she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
