I just made out with a guy for $7.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
