She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
