Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
