Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
