Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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