I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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