I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
