I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
