I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
