I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
