They should really pass out barf bags in church
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish my penis had a tongue
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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