Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
