Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
