Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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