is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
