just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
