Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
