we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
