And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
