the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have already put on my inside pants.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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