wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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