i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
