i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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