I accidentally had phone sex last night
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
