I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
