did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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