I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
