We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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