That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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