I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
