Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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