my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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