Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
