There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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