I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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